Sometimes despite our best intentions, we falter. It starts with a small slip, something insignificant. A ‘one off’ which really isn’t that big of a deal. But then suddenly time ticks over and the trip ups start to accumulate. And then suddenly you find yourself sliding down the mountain you fought so hard to climb up.
This is exactly what happened to me during the latter part of my semester this year. The stress of studying, assessments, and exam preparation saw my weight take a landslide. But no one really seemed to notice, so I just carried on as normal, telling myself that I would deal with it when exams were over and I had a break.
To be honest, I don’t weigh myself often at all, maybe once or twice a month. I really don’t care to know that number. I just try to tune in with how I’m feeling, how my clothes fit, and my energy levels as a guide. By the end of the semester I felt lethargic, and weary, so I suspected my weight had taken a bit of a dip. But I wasn’t prepared for the number that stared back at me when I hopped on the scale.
This is why I hate the scales. Seeing that number made me feel like a failure. I felt so ashamed. How could I be back here once again??? And so the negative thinking started…
I knew I needed to get back on track, but I just couldn’t find the energy to do so. I slipped into what I call ‘autopilot’. The solution was simple, but I just couldn’t seem to do it!
I didn’t dare talk about it either; instead I just blamed myself.
I think part of the problem with mental illness, whether it be depression, anxiety, mood disorders, obsessive compulsive behaviour, or an eating disorder, is the stigma attached to it. Many of the sufferers feel like they can’t talk about what’s really affecting them because their friends, family, and society may not understand. A lot of people just assume that those suffering choose to be a particular way, and that they should just snap out of it. If only it were that simple.
So I’m breaking the mould and telling you that it’s ok to talk about it. It doesn’t make you any less of a person.
Everybody has their demons.
I’m facing mine, and hope this encourages you to face yours too (whatever it might be). I asked for help from my doctor, I talked to my friends, and I told my family exactly what I needed to get back on track. Support is imperative. Those who truly love you will be there for you!
The other important thing is to have a positive outlook. Maintain optimism in the face of adversity. Your mindset is the most powerful tool you have.
The thought manifests as the word;
The word manifests as the deed;
The deed develops into habit;
And habit hardens into character;
So watch the thought and its ways with care,
And let it spring from love
Born out of concern for all beings…
As the shadow follows the body,
As we think, so we become.
-Buddha, Dhammapada
Indian philosopher & religious leader (563 BC – 483 BC)
I’m writing this piece honestly, but I’m not searching for sympathy. In fact the exact opposite! I know I’m strong enough to get through this, but others may be struggling and are too scared to pipe up. So this is for them. To say it’s ok to ask for help if you falter. Break the stigma, hold your head high, and march towards success.
If I can do it, you can too.
If you or anyone you know is suffering from an eating disorder or other mental illness, please consider getting help from a professional. Search for specialty services in your area, or talk to your doctor about treatment options.
Thanks Sarah, you have verbalised exactly how I am feeling and i hope that i can derive some Motivation from your words. I have fallen off the wagon and am avoiding my scales like the plague. I hhave been feeling lethargic, uncomfortable and lacking mental energy to do anything about it having been under duress for several weeks. Its nice to know others are in the same place sometimes
Everyone slips once in a while. Now let’s jump back on the wagon and do this!
Wow…I relate to this totally. It’s gone on like this for over 3 years and I’m still lethargic and no further ahead. Oddly enough I consume a lot of cals and eat a lot at night. But just
stuck.
I hope you start feeling more energetic soon. Consult your physician for a blood test to rule out any deficiencies that may be causing your fatigue. And a dietitian may help with meal planning to get you heading in the right direction. Just keep trying!!! I know you can do this
HANG IN THERE!! We all have our ups and downs, and especially if you were busy with school it’s tough to remain 100% on every level of your life. Maybe this can give you a smile: http://rundogcat.me/2012/04/21/henri-ennui/
Sending you prayers –
And also, I hate the scale, too.
Yes scales are yucky…i hope to throw mine out when I get back to my healthy weight. Thank you so much for the kind words and prayers. Will check out your link now
It may be tough right now, but things do get better. Having an ED myself, I know exactly how you feel. Those down phases can be pretty tough, but just remember, “you’re never too old, to late, or too bad to start from scratch once again.” That’s my favorite quote. I’m not implying that you’re back at the point you’ve started from, I’m sure you’ve made much progress on your journey. Hang in there, things can, and will get better
I’m glad you were able to share this. I know what you mean about that negative stigma surrounding mental illnesses. That just shows how strong you are. You have the power to change your life for the better.
My beautiful mother said to me ‘Your life will be a series of mountains. You will reach the top of one, and then slowly walk down to the next valley. You are not starting from scratch, you are just at a new mountain which you will most certainly conquer.’ Such a smart lady.
And thanks for your amazing comment. Your support means a lot
Working on intuitive eating for me has it’s ups and downs. In one of my feeling lower moments, someone reminded me that “it’s a practice not a perfect”. It makes me feel better every time I think about it that way.
Exactly right April! I will remember that. I am practicing and getting better with each day. I hope you are too
I’m struggling now. I’ve gotten to the point where I’m exhausted. I walk slow walks a day and have no gym so I do random useless strength stuff at home. But still. I count calories but I’m not sure how else to gain. But now I’m at the point where my bedtime snack is like 5-600 cals and its ridiculous…then I have zero morning appetite. I’m sick of being this way
Hi there, I hope you find the power to keep fighting the good fight!!! It is totally worth it. I know it is hard now, but it will get better